It's beginning to look a lot like....

Happiness? What exactly does happiness look like? I suppose it's something different for everyone. For me right now, it looks like I am super tired. The bags under my eyes could sustain me all the way to Australia for a two week vacation and speaking of vacation, I am coming up on one. The first "real" vacation of the school year. Winter break. You can't call it Christmas Vacation anymore because people get offended. In my opinion, they can call it whatever they want, as long as I'm not in school and get some rest, I am down.

Life has been a little hectic lately. I suppose that's part of the reason I am SO bad lately at keeping up with this blog business (sorry Paul!). Speaking of Paul, if you do happen to read this, I was super excited when you mentioned The Trews in your blog. I enjoy their stuff quite a bit.

Back to the hectic nature of life... though I am exhausted and my eye has a little twitching issue from the overtiredness, I am happy. I am fulfilled. I am appreciated and I appreciate. Sometimes you have to get through the worse to get to the better and I am headed in the right direction. It's a bit of an uphill battle at the moment, but when I get to the top of that mountain, the view is going to be unbelievable. Here's to the great outdoors, mountain peaks and sunsets.

Happy whateverkindofholiday you celebrate.

Bibliophilia?

Well, I am finally back on my game (sort of) and I'm finishing up moving out of my old house. It makes me sad because I loved my house, but life goes on. I couldn't keep it and so I have to just let that go. Since I have moved back in with my parents, I am feeling pretty thankful that I don't have too much stuff... except for books.

I have more books than I know what to do with. Every night I've been bringing home three or four boxes of books and I have one more trip to go. As my mother remarked, these aren't "normal" boxes... they are rather large rubbermaid containers full to the brim of books. As I've been going through them, I've been sorting them out and I'm going to try to give a whole bunch of them away. There are some books though that have sentimental value, or ones that I just love. I also seem to have gone on multiple book buying sprees and haven't yet had a chance to read all of the books I bought. I have one entire container so far full of books I haven't read yet!

I knew that I loved books, but seeing all of these books makes me wonder if there's a support group out there for bibliophiles...

Getting Thankful

It is one of my favorite times of year. I love the fall with all of it's colors and gorgeous scenery and I love the spirit of Thanksgiving. I try to sit back and be thankful at least a little bit each day, but this time of year, people tend to kick it into high gear and really think about all of the wonderful things in their lives. I thought maybe I'd take a second to list off some things I'm thankful for:

Epiphanies

Having people in my life like Jess, Al, Maple, Harvest and Paul

Steady employment

At least one more holiday with my family complete

My baby sister being home

My amazing dogs who snuggle the bejesus out of me every night

My horses who stay fat and happy and are now all fuzzy and snuggly

Caroline, her incredible perspective on life and the healing sense of her homestead

Working with people I enjoy and can laugh with

Parents who are incredibly patient and forgiving

Family who loves and accepts me for who I am

Being loved and understood by someone at such a deep level

Loving and understanding someone at such a deep level

Fitting in with a group of people and a family

Health

Time to write

Horseshoe nails and tail braids

Good students (there are a few!)

Old students who come to visit or text me all the time

Feeling good about myself

And many, many more things as well, but I've officially run out of time. The kids are coming up from the cafeteria and I need to go be a responsible teacher-type person.

Happy Thanksgiving All!

Achy Breaky Head?

Good grief. Migraines seem to be plaguing me these days and it seems like they are changing a little. It used to be just intense pain in the head and nowadays it starts with a nice visual issue. I was sitting at lunch today, enjoying a good book and the company of Bethany when all of a sudden, I couldn't really see too clearly! I knew then it was on the way and prepared for the worst. Thank goodness I had my Accelerated reading class next. They've helped me through a migraine before and they did it again today. They offered to take over and let me leave, and tempting as it was, I did remember my legal obligation to actually watch the children. Gotta love stress. I think I might have to break down and get a "real" prescription to deal with this crap... no more Excedrine for me.

On a lighter note, I actually have the Mac today hooked up to real internet and I think this means that I'm going to post a little poetry. I've been writing like crazy... a couple of hours a night really, which is amazing. I finished up a 250 page journal the other night that I started on August 29th. I have been prolific and I love it. Let me find something good to post....

A tide

swells

inside me

at the very thought

of you.

One

amazing day –

just a prelude

to a lifetime of

amazing days

and the feeling of pure sunshine

dribbling down our chins.

I like this one. Hopefully you will too...

Favorites

Everyone has favorites. Favorite days, favorite months, favorite holidays, favorite people, favorite friends, favorite colors and many, many more. I have lots of favorites myself. I've been discovering more every day.

The most recent discovery is that I seem to finally have a favorite color. I never used to. Black was my thing. It is the absence of all color. I was even afraid to get a tattoo in color for a long time because there was just something about colors that affected me. I couldn't wear certain colors on certain days because they just made me feel off.

Eventually though, I got brave and got a gorgeous tattoo of a green oak leaf (Thanks Jess!). It worked for me, and I got two more green oak leaves and a brown one. Green and brown are fantastic colors. They are real and natural and everywhere I look, there they are. There's more brown than green right now and that seems to be just fine with me. I bought a brown car. I have multiple brown sweaters. I love the color brown. It might seem blah and boring, but I think that brown is my favorite color. Don't get me wrong, because I still love green, but there is something about brown that just makes me feel so good. It's warm and comforting and the color of earth.

I know I've mentioned it before, but I love dirt. I love the feeling of it on my hands and under my fingernails. I love the smell of it and the amazing powers and capabilities it has. So much life can grow from the soil. If you tend it and cultivate it, you can do incredible things with a small plot of land and some hard work.

I spent part of Monday planting garlic. The soil was tilled and fertilized and now, in the Spring, four and a half rows of different types of garlic will sprout and grow. Plants really don't require too much. Space to grow, nourishment to get them going, sunshine and water, maybe a little love and encouragement and BAM! you've got growing goodness. What could be better?

Full to the Brim

These days I am feeling full to the brim. So many things are going on in my life and luckily for me, many of them are good.

Good friends, wonderful family, lots of fun and lots of laughter. I'm not sure I could ask for anything more.

I think that pretty much sums it up for today. I am so thankful.

Long Time Gone...

Well, it has been quite a while since I last posted. Things have been a little wild whirlwindy in my life since, judging from the date of my last post, August 16th.

Lots of new, lots of different, lots of changes and they are all good things in the long run. Not necessarily the easiest, but definitely all for the best.

Last weekend at a particularly fantastic wedding I attended for a particularly fantastic friend, another friend was giving me a hard time about not keeping up on the blogging so I figured I would get back into it. My living situations have changed and blogging at home is hard due to a distinct lack of decent internet access (they still DO have dial-up in some locales), so I'm going to have to steal time at school, or haul my computer around to places with wireless. Either way, I am betting I can handle it.

In short, over the last three months, I have done a whole lot of getting back to my roots and getting back to myself. Over time I let myself lose sight of a bunch of things I have always really wanted and the loss of those dreams was really starting to kick my butt. I wasn't happy. At all. In fact, I was very sad. Thanks however to good friends and, I would say, cashing in some good karma I must have built up over time, I am back on the right track and loving it. I'm not exactly where I want to be yet, but I am getting closer every single day. I'm back to having calluses on my hands, dirt under my fingernails, hay stuck in my hair and shoes that smell like horse pee and I'm loving every second of it.

Getting down and dirty (get your mind out of the gutter!) is what I like to do and I am back to doing it regularly.

Holy Depressing-ness

Wow! That last blog post was a downer huh? I'd say (with pretty much utter certainty) that I was not having the best of days that day. Luckily I can say that today has been a much better day. It was hot and sticky (that's what she said), but I got a huge amount accomplished. 

Four hundred more bales of hay are in the barn and ready for Wintertime. Technically about 750 bales went in today, but I only partook in the putting in of 400. Weak, I know... and the excuse, even weaker. I had to grocery shop this afternoon. It was a successful trip though, especially because I found (in my opinion) the best thing ever... Chubby Hubby ice cream. God bless the soul who suggested this concoction to Ben & Jerry's... vanilla ice cream with both a peanut butter and a chocolate swirl, completed by chocolate covered, peanut butter filled pretzels. I dare say there is no more perfect a food. 

In between the hay and the grocery getting, I managed to sneak in a visit with Jess and Al. I was lucky enough to hang out with their kiddos for the majority of the day yesterday and I have to say, those two girls make me re-think my opinion of kids under 12... I like both of them. A lot. They are awesome and smart and fun and they like to actually do stuff. Just yesterday, they cleaned three entire horse stalls, before going for a ride, without a single complaint. How awesome is that? Pretty darned awesome. Hopefully I will get to spend another day with the girlies before they head back. They are both turning into pretty amazing little horsewomen. They can brush and clean feet with the best of them and that's saying a lot for 7 and 8. 

As a special extra bonus during the visiting... Krystle stopped in so I got to see her too! 

I am off tomorrow for the southern reaches of the state to spend some quality time with my friend Megan because she's awesome. She told me that tomorrow is slated to be the hottest day of the summer, so we'll have to find something cool to do. 

Red ones and blue ones and green ones...

Do you remember that part in Of Mice and Men, where Lenny is begging to hear the story about the rabbits on the farm that they're going to have someday? He just keeps asking to hear about the rabbits... the red ones and blue ones and green ones, because he desperately needs something to look forward to in life. He asks George to tell him the story periodically and the last time is just before George shoots Lenny in the head. I'm not asking to be shot by any stretch of the imagination, but I'd really love to have someone tell me about the rabbits. I am in desperate need of something to look forward to... 

Mountains and other Places

1.

I can't imagine

my life

without the mountains.

The glory of a sunset

framing gentle peaks

and winter snow caps

that sparkle almost to the point

of blinding.

In the mountains 

it's always

hard to say

what's to come because of the

necessary bends

in the road in order to avoid

the boulders strewn at random

by the glaciers that made these

mountains

so many years ago. 

2. 

Unpredictability

is unavoidable

surrounded by mountains.

Winter storms

circle

until we're buried

and summer rains

get trapped inside the fenced in ring

of peaks.

In Spring, it's hard to make plans

because there are so many days

that start sunny

and end with surprise snow. 

In Summer

humidity drains water

from our bodies

and lends it to the air.

We're forced to swim through life

with no life jackets allowed.

We wear layers

year round

so we can have enough on

but at times there's only just so much 

you can take off.

On August evenings

we find excuses to grocery shop

to hide out in the ice cream aisle

until half the lights go out - 

a warning that we're about to be

expelled

back into the oppressive atmosphere

where we continue to pray - 

to beg - 

for one of those Springtime monsoons

to clear the air

so we might be able to breathe

once again. 

3. 

multi-colored fingers of cliome

stretch

to the sun.

Pink, white and purple

complimentary hues 

hide the true nature of the sharp thorns

that pierce curious fingers

eager to take home their beauty

in a vase. 

4. 

Eddies in the water.

Ripples

against the current

caused by things

unknown.

Constantly changing - 

this way

to that way

and back around again.

What lies

under the surface of this river?

What lies

under the surface of this face?

To cause the eddies

to rise and swirl

to waltz and spin

to hold hands for a moment

and break apart again.

5. 

Fingerlings of branches

hold fast the plastic chair.

It's color

meant for camouflage

clashes against water's surface

and slats like twin ladders

give space for the eye to climb.

The brown and blue ripple of river

below

the washed out blue of sky

above

and a lonesome chair

stuck drowning in between both. 

Place Based Writing

Yikes! It's been a while... sorry about that, but I've been busy doing other important things and the computer hasn't been high on my list of priorities. This week though, writing is my number one priority... more or less. I am a participant in the Place Based Writing Institute at PSU this week so my days will be filled with all sorts of writing and I plan on sharing some with you here. I'm also going to challenge myself to stray from the sappy poetry and into something more intense... we'll see how that goes. Anyways, here's something I wrote in class today:

The pavement is old and worn and cracks show a hint of green grass that wants desperately to grow there. We walk by the Barron's, the Baybutt's, the Anthony compound, Aunt Mel's, the Mudgetts, Gus and Gail's, the McGarrity's and usually turn around at Millie's driveway. If we're feeling ambitious we continue up the long hill itself to the elevator house, but never so far as the Glencross's. 

The way home is always different. The sun in my eyes and a wind in my face. Back down by the same places on the opposite side of the road, until we cross back over by the Baybutt's so as not to invade Charlie's territory. It's only fair. 

Dexter stops to pee in all the same places and Lucy's always on the lookout for something to eat - dead birds, caterpillars, unidentified objects thrown from car windows. Sometimes I feel like I spend half our walks with my hands in her mouth - prying away the desired-but-not-allowed and trying to get all the feathers out of her crooked little teeth. 

Down the hill, Dexter slows down - he isn't ready to go home yet. He licks my hand trying to distract me while Lucy continues her running-almost-in-place-pace. 

Back on 113 watching out for the forest of poison ivy in every form imaginable and back in the driveway to where we call home. Up the steps, in the door and they head for their respective water bowls for a quick drink before I can pick them up. "You can't have too much when you're hot because you know you just puke it back up again."

If it's particularly hot, they each get an ice cube to chase across the floor until either it's caught or it melts into a puddle that I'm bound to step in and wonder just what it was that I stepped in...

He looks surprised...

I am up and at 'em this morning for a busy Sunday. I am wishing I were off with Jess, Al and the girls to Bread and Puppet, but instead I am being a good big sister and filling in for Abbey at work so she can spend time with Joe while he is here. 

My dad's big surprise party went off without a hitch yesterday! He was super surprised and I'd say he had an awesome time. Thanks to everyone who came and who helped get things together. It was a long day, but a great one! 

It's going to be a gorgeous day so I am excited to be spending it outside. Here's to hoping everyone has a great day! If I have the gumption later, I'll get back on here and write a "real" blog... 

Tuckered out...

I had an awesome day today, hanging out with two fantastic kiddos, Harvest and Maple. Thanks to Al and Jess for letting me borrow them for the day and... I get them again tomorrow! Usually the little ones aren't my style, but these two are a different breed than most. They were polite, respectful and they worked their little butts off! 

We started out at the barn, since it is a proven fact that ponies are just good for little girls, then came to play with the puppies, went to lunch, did some swimming, came home and walked the dogs and finished off with some more ponies. Needless to say, Maple was sound asleep in the car on the way back home and I am off to bed far earlier than my recent usual time. It's yet another testament to the awesomeness of having good friends! The only thing I need to do differently tomorrow... is remember to bring my camera!

Poetry

My fantastic friends Jess, Al and Paul let me borrow a season of Def Poetry Jam and I have been mesmerized watching it this evening. I had seen a couple of clips on YouTube on different occasions and I enjoyed them, but watching the whole show is just breathtaking. It is fantastic. The people are so talented and their words bring out so much feeling and so many thoughts. What can I say? I'm inspired. 

Watching other people's words

brings energy to my own.

What they have to say

elicits a visceral reaction

from me.

Whether it's 

goosebumps

or laughter

or even tears

I am feeling 

something - 

many things - 

everything.

They share not just words

but feelings

and images - 

snapshots of their own lives

or the lives of those

they observe.

Social commentary,

joys,

fears,

loves,

everything laid out

for any and all

to make meaning of

and possibly

to understand. 

Homework? Check.

The assigner: Albie Rock

The assignment: Watch Rushmore

Due Date: As soon as possible

Status: DONE!

I did my homework today ladies and gentlemen. I was given a task and I completed it and I have to say, it was most certainly worth every minute and every penny. 

I adventured to Tilton today in order to get some less expensive groceries at Market Basket and because I figured that it was a safe bet that I would be able to find the assigned film at Music for a Song - a great music/movie store in the Tanger Outlet Center. Unfortunately, today was my last visit there since they are closing as of next Saturday. At any rate, I succeeded in my mission and not only did I pick up Rushmore, I found a copy of The Black Stallion and an animated film made from one of my favorite books of all time: Dragons of the Autumn Twilight, a Drangonlance book. I didn't know that they had made a movie, but I was pretty excited and that is next on my movie playlist. 

At any rate, I just finished watching Rushmore. At first I didn't think tonight was my night because when I put it in the DVD player in my living room, the DVD player kept getting an error. Thank goodness for my Macbook since the DVD player in the bedroom has gone the way of the dinosaurs, though I don't think that it will eventually turn into oil, coal or diamonds. If only...

I wasn't sure what to expect because I didn't read the back of the case before I started the movie, but since I tend to trust Jess and Al when it comes to.... oh just about anything, I figured I was in for a good flick. To their great credit, I was right. The movie was awesome. It was funny, witty and thought provoking. The characters were fantastic, the story was well developed and it was just all around a good time. I have to say that I loved the character named Dirk as well as the little boy who is never named but shows up randomly in the majority of the movie. 

I feel like I have attained a goal tonight. It's been a while since I had homework and it feels like an accomplishment to have completed it. Tonight, Rushmore. Tomorrow night, the world. 

Thank you Mr. Frog

I think I might have found a silver lining to all of this rain... I was driving home from yet another awesome dinner with Jess, Paul and Al (I haven't had a not awesome one yet) and instead of slaloming to avoid the little frogs chilling on the rainy roads, I only saw a couple and they were easily avoidable. I'm guessing that there is enough wetness in the woods that the little froggies don't feel the need to come out on the pavement to soak up the good old H2O. Hooray for that! I get super stressed trying to avoid those little buggers. 

Dinner this evening was a birthday celebration for Jess's mom. As Paul mentioned, if it weren't for her, there would be no Jess and that would be a tragedy! I feel like such a jerk too, because I completely forgot to wish her a Happy Birthday! Since I forgot then, I'm doing it now - Happy Birthday Jess's Mom! Thank you for giving birth to such awesomeness. 

I have discovered that awesome conversation is something that absolutely makes my life a better existence. There is no lack of awesome and intelligent conversation while spending time with Jess, Paul and Al. The topics are wide and far-ranging and always super interesting. I like using my brain and I try to be always thinking with this crowd. 

Paul let me borrow Season 4 of Def Poetry Jam and I absolutely can't wait to watch it. Slam poetry and the like are some of my favorite things. My other "homework" is to watch the movie Rushmore... I've heard of it. I wanted to see it, but I never have. Now it is a must. I'll see if I can find it tomorrow. Thank goodness for intelligent people. You guys are awesome. 

Once maybe

in a lifetime 

a dream 

comes close enough

to grasp.

To let it slip

through careless fingers

would be a 

travesty. 

Busy, busy, busy

Ahhhh, Friday and a busy Friday at that! I was off and running this morning, super excited because my amazing principal at school found money for my friend Nichole and I to go to a 4 day writing institute at the end of the month! The Plymouth State Writer's Project is putting it on and it's all about writing about where you are from, which is right up my alley! I am extremely excited and I will get a graduate credit out of it. Pay raise, here I come... only 29 more credits to go!

After getting all of that paperwork set up, I went to hang out with my friend Krystle. We got a lot accomplished and managed to have a great lunch all at the same time! We hadn't hung out in way too long and we had a good time. Good friends make life so much better. 

I moved from hanging with Krystle to visiting Jess and Al at the shop. It was pretty busy there, but I got to spend some quality time with some more awesome people. I am looking forward to spending some more quality time with them tomorrow evening. 

This evening was full of some dinnertime and cookie baking fun with yet another great friend, the aforementioned Nichole! Lucy barked pretty much the entire time she was here, but we were able to tune her out for the most part. Poor Dexter came and hid in the kitchen because he appeared to be getting a headache from her screeching. 

Now, I'm ready to get ready for bed because there's another busy, busy day ahead of me! Barn chores at 5:00 am and then off to Bearcamp Garden for the big Open House extravaganza! Come on by for refreshments, entertainment and some fantastic garden-y lectures. See you there!

So much awesome.

I went to see Reel Big Fish last night at The Hampton Beach Casino Ballroom, and it was utterly amazing. I loved their music before and I have to say, I love it even more now. They played both of my most favorite songs and I felt like I was in heaven! 

Today has also been good. I took my little Lucy and did a home visit in Albany, then we went to meet Auntie Jess and then to Four Your Paws Only for some puppy food and toys! After all that, we came home and went for a lovely walk not to mention that Dexter and Lucy got to go to their grammy's house and play with Bella in the big fenced in yard. 

Stellar couple of days. That's all there is to say.

The Epic Feast - Devoured

For a bunch of really skinny people, my friends Al, Jess and Paul can eat. They can eat and eat and eat like you wouldn't even begin to imagine any three people in this world can eat. I can't hold a candle to what they can put away and I am by far the least skinny out of the four of us. 

I hit the luck train big time this afternoon. After spending a lovely morning in Concord with my mom and sister, I called Jess when I got home. At the time, she wasn't home, but she called when she got home because they were headed for Portland to a fantastic vegan restaurant called The Green Elephant. We had been there before and I thought they put away some food the first time... they blew themselves right out of the water this visit!

Between the four of us, we ate: four orders of soy nuggets, an order of spring rolls, an order of tempura oyster mushrooms, veggie kabobs, and an order of fried wontons, not to mention four entrees. I was the only baby with leftovers to bring home because I just don't have the gumption to pack it all away. I have to say though, I am pretty excited to have some vegan citrus spareribs to snack on tomorrow. They are darn good!

Other than a little incident on the way over with an unfortunate dog chasing an even more unfortunate porcupine (the dog is okay, the porcupine not so much) it was an utterly fantastic trip. Aside from the intense gluttony at the restaurant, we took a trip to Whole Foods (my first trip there) and it was amazing! So much good food that is mostly good for you in one place. I am definitely going to have to go back sometime very soon for some further exploration. 

Now, I am home and trying to come down from all of the fun induced adrenaline. I feel so incredibly lucky to have such awesome friends. There was a time I didn't think it was possible to have this much fun. Boy, was I wrong! 

Full days...

Today was a fantastic day. I think that in one day, I got to do just about every single thing I love to do. There aren't many days that I can say that about. 

First off on the adventure parade was taking Dexter and Lucy hiking. We've been on plenty of walks, but never a hike, so we chose an easy one. Brook Path in Wonalancet was lovely! It was flat and right along the brook the whole way so there was plenty of water for puppies to drink and splash around in. Lucy did have one unfortunate mishap while leaping from one hummock of land to another... she sort of splooshed down into about 4 or 4 1/2 feet of water... in she went and she popped back up like a little cork! She swam a little bit and then scrambled back out onto the bank and proceeded to shake. A lot. This was the first time ever that she was successfully tuckered out. She ran pretty much the whole way and when we got home, she was out cold for the entire afternoon. It was hilarious as the picture shows! 

Next, I headed for the barn and not only got to ride Revlon, but also got to give JT a little exercise. Rev was good for the most part... only a few rearing/bucking fits. It was so much fun and I think she is feeling healthier than she has in a long time. JT on the other hand is so out of shape it is utterly pitiful. He was looking good until the grass came up and now I am affectionately referring to him as "Lard Bucket". He is in desperate need of some exercise to "trim the fat" so to speak! 

Anyways, by the end of the day I was soaked with sweat, filthy rotten dirty and had an enormous smile on my face. Chalk one up for the good side. 

Sweat trickles downward

as the sun keeps on it's path

I had so much fun. 

A fine summer day today. The sky was blue, the sun was shining and I didn't feel a single raindrop all day long. It's been a long time since we've had a day like that. Lucky for me, I got to spend nearly the entire day outside and enjoying it. Playing in the plants at BCG, walking the dogs and some quality pony time made today pretty fantastic. 

I went for a little drive tonight around the back roads of Tamworth and Sandwich... something I was very fond of doing just after I got my license and had the time to do it. I live in a really beautiful place, I have to say. Winding dirt roads, wooden bridges over idyllic brooks, and views of the mountains and the moon that would make most people drool. Honestly, looking at all of it tonight, I could have used a bib. I have lived here my entire life and I am so thankful for that. I can say that I grew up in one of the most beautiful places on Earth and really, really mean it. 

Strawberry jam

on saltine crackers

the only snack she could think of

and one I ate 

too much of. 

Summer days spent

at the Finley house

the scent of the chlorinated pool

seeping into everything

and I loved every minute.

Back then 

the game of Life

was just that - 

a game.

Played on an ancient board

on an even older floor

in a house with hidden passageways

and doors too small for a grown up

to fit through.

We spent mornings at the barn

and afternoons on the hill

inventing games and playing with toys

that belonged to some other child

who lived in some other time. 

That house is gone now,

and so is the pool.

Torn down and re-built into something

nowhere near

the original. 

So many pieces of childhood

gone in that very same way. 

Gotta love independence...

First off, I had one of the best days I have had in a very long time yesterday! It was Jess's 30th birthday and I got to spend most of the day celebrating with her! Our friend April and I took her out for some brunch and cool coffee/smoothie drinks and then a whole mess of us went out for dinner at The Thompson House in Jackson. It was so much fun and the food was utterly amazing! Not to mention the fact that we walked out of the restaurant after dinner and got to enjoy some fantastic fireworks! 

As you may know... today is Independence Day. I enjoy the concept of independence. Being about to do things as you choose to, seems like a pretty darn good deal to me. I know that I appreciate my independence, though I think there are some pretty shady parts of our journey to reaching it. We won't go there today though... it's a day for celebration!

As is tradition, I watched the Tamworth 4th of July Parade today with my family. It was actually pretty excited because both of my grandparents came to the parade, something that hasn't happened in a few years. It was a gorgeous morning with sunshine and everything and we had an awesome spot to watch from. The parade was much shorter than usual, mainly because there weren't a million fire trucks at the end of the line and that was totally okay with me! There were some decent floats and some lovely horses, so that made it good for me!

After the parade, we attended the "Family Day" events for a couple of minutes. The black clouds were rolling in and the obligatory 4th of July shower was going to happen any minute. After that, we grabbed some lunch and then went to pick up my mom so we could go to my friend Caroline's book signing! If you are interested in learning more about her amazing novel, check out: http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/ride-on-the-curld-clouds/6870856

I was the lucky recipient of an advance copy, so I've read it and loved every minute of it! I would especially recommend it to those who love both Shakespeare and horses. It's full to the brim of both!

All of that goodness, topped off with a family BBQ at my grandparents house rounded out my 4th of July celebration. I think we'll be attending some more fireworks this evening and then it's back to reality tomorrow. Hopefully a reality that continues to include that big, yellow, bright thing in the sky. I missed it while it was on vacation for the month of June and would like to see it back full time for the rest of the summer. 

Torrential Thursday

It's official. The little stream in my back yard is now a raging torrent. Even though I love on a hill, I got something about my homeowner's insurance today asking if I want to add flood insurance. It has been raining... a lot... but let me tell you, if my house gets flooded, we are all in big, BIG trouble.

Both of my puppy dogs are currently sitting on the end of the couch watching it pour. I would totally get my rain boots on and take them walking in the rain, but I'm lucky if Dexter will go out to pee when it's raining! He is not all about getting wet. As soon as he comes inside, he wipes his head down on the carpet because he can't handle having a wet face. I have to say it's pretty cute watching him crawl around with his derriere up in the air, all the while dragging his face across the carpet. 

I guess I don't have all that much to say. As I believe I have mentioned before, the lack of sun is really, really, really getting to me. I am feeling drained and sad and blechy in general. I do have to say though, I'm excited to go see my dad play some music tonight at The Brass Heart Inn and then to spend some quality time with Jess tomorrow on her birthday!! Birthdays are awesome. I'm having one in just a little more than a month. I was scared of it for a while, but I think that 27 has a nice ring to it. We'll see... maybe it will bring good things, like a little bit'o'sun! 

Day One

Technically speaking, today is day one of a brand new month. July is supposed to be a month of sun and warmth and awesome summery stuff. Unfortunately at this point, July is starting out the same way June left off... wet, dark and chilly. None of those three things connotes summer to me. I don't know about you. The one thing I know for sure, is that this weather is starting to seriously bum me out. I'm ready for sun and warm weather and haying! It's hard work and you sweat like crazy, but I enjoy the satisfaction of knowing the hayloft is slowly filling up with food for my ponies for the winter. 

I had another pretty good day today. I got a lot done around the house this morning, spent some quality time with my puppies and then spent the afternoon with the amazing Jessica. It's almost her birthday and though she might not be excited about it, a bunch of other people are. Friday is bound to be a good day, full of celebration of an awesome person and the day she came into the world. What better reason to celebrate? I can't think of one. 

I get super jealous hanging out at the shop with Jess. All sorts of people are getting tattooed and it makes me want to get tattooed. I have some ideas... some things I'm planning on. There's just something about the idea of art permanently inked into my skin that puts a smile on my face. It's not always the most comfortable situation, but anything worth anything is bound to have a little discomfort involved in one way or another. You just have to keep your eyes on the prize. Watch for the benefit at the end as opposed to the pain in the middle of it all. That way, you have something good to focus on. 

So many positives

First off, referring back to last night's blog, the soy ice cream product was utterly FANTASTIC. It was some of the most amazing dark-chocolately, peanut-buttery goodness I have ever had. I approve, and then some. That's one positive for you. Another positive, Lucy let me sleep until 8:30 this morning! 

Since I got some good sleep, I was super prepared to head for Plymouth for Penny Kittle's author visit. I wasn't sure how it was going to go, but it was great! Penny was fantastic. She had a wonderful presentation put together with a bunch of examples of student work and her own work and she gave me about a billion awesome ideas to use in my classroom next year. I know for sure I'm working in the right field and in the right place since I left the workshop feeling like I'm ready to go back to school tomorrow! 

I got to see several people who were in the PWP (Plymouth Writer's Project) the same summer I was and it was great to catch up with them! Pretty much every single one commented on my hair... I never knew a flat iron would make such a difference in my appearance! Nichole went with me (yet another positive) and we got invited to attend a four day workshop at the end of July revolving around place based writing. That totally got me going so I'm really hoping that my school district can come up with some cash money so I can go! Even if they don't, I might try to scrape it together so I can attend. 

For any teachers out there who might be reading this, I can't say enough times how amazing my experience at the PWP was. It was one of the most incredible educational experiences I have ever had. The open exchange of ideas between teachers, all supporting one another in the pursuit of doing what's right for kids... it was like heaven. Being there today has me jonesing to go back. Maybe next year I will apply to be a returning fellow. I wanted to do it last year, but it just wasn't the right time. All of that amazing collegial business and it got me writing like crazy. Even after being there today, I am itching to write, write, write! Tomorrow I have some serious plans to spend some quality time in front of the laptop. 

The one bummer of a thing that I heard today was a statistic about reading. Apparently in the USA, only 20% of the population reads. The great majority of people don't even attempt to read one book each year. This completely and totally blows my mind. I don't know what I would do if I didn't read. It is so fulfilling, enjoyable and relaxing. Penny asked her students at the high school about their reading. Almost every single one of them admitted that they did not read the books they were assigned for school, or any on their own. The kids readily admitted to using SparkNotes, skimming a chapter here and there and listening to other student's comments in order to write papers and add to class discussion. I hate to say this, but it's no wonder that the majority of people have no minds of their own. People don't read and their brains don't get any exercise. It's almost exactly the same as the obesity epidemic in the world today. People don't get outside and run around, nor do they sit down and crack open a novel... what a waste. They have no idea what they're missing. 

And the rain continues...

I know you might find this hard to believe, but it's raining. My dog Dexter is showing all of the classic signs of depression because it has been raining and raining and raining. It's pitiful. He's laying on the couch, staring out the window at the rain. I'd take him for a walk in the rain, but he doesn't do the wetness. He even walks on the railroad ties around the house when the dew is still on the grass. He's just a weenie like that, but I still love him. A lot. 

Speaking of Dexter, tomorrow I will have had him for two years! The picture above is of he and I on the day we picked him up. He's changed quite a bit since then... he was so skinny! I thank my lucky stars every day that I have him in my life. He rocks. 

I had a fantastic first day of my summer vacation despite the un-summery weather. I got up at 7:30, puttered around the house a little and then went north shopping. I got a new fan for the window to replace the one that Lucy destroyed the cord to, some t-shirts, some pants, it was a good time and then I grocery shopped to boot! What a productive day. 

When I got home, I got everything put away and spent a little me time painting my toenails. I found a fantastic shade of purple today and if you ask me, it looks rather lovely. I'm a fan. 

Tomorrow I'm off to Plymouth State University for an author visit at the Plymouth Writing Project. This means that I get to be enriched, do a little writing and see Nichole! I am rather excited. 

That being said, I am going to sign off and sample some of the soy ice cream I bought today. I'll let you know how it is!

Leaners

As I am sure most of you know, I have two dogs. Dexter and Lucy are my babies and they are pretty much just fantastic. Not only are they adorable, lovable and super snugglable, they are both leaners. They can't just sit down next to you or in front of you of their own accord, they have to lean their entire bodies against your body. They tend to do this to each other as well. They've been wanting to be really close lately. I have to say, I like it. It's nice to feel loved. 

I did a home visit today all the way up in Thornton, which I discovered is a LONG way from my house. It took me about an hour and a half to get there and then after a total of about eight minutes, I was headed back again. They were awesome people and I wish them the best of luck with their new family member. They have a particular puppy in mind and I hope that they get him. They were all excited for him. It was awesome to see people so happy!

On the way up there, I passed a little store called Veggie Art Girl and lord knows I had to stop on the way back through. It was adorable! There were a lot of fun, handmade things and I picked up a couple of them to bring home with me. If you're driving through Ashland, I would highly recommend stopping by. 

Okay, I'm losing my train of thought so let's try for a poem before it's too late...

owls sing my serenade

so there's no need to 

whistle

while i work.

a pair of them

are calling out

to one another

and all i can do

is wonder 

what they're saying.

A 70% Chance of Stupidity

There was actually a 70% chance of rain today... there's at least a 70-99% chance of stupidity every day. 

The other day, was my day for stupidity. When I was finishing my report cards at school, I copied down all of the comment codes wrong and so every single one of my students got a report card that said they had unacceptable levels of respect and responsibility in reading class. Doesn't that suck? I felt utterly horrible, and even more so when I started hearing from really angry or confused parents. I wrote a letter and sent it out explaining the mistake and last night I started just calling some parents to explain. They took it well for the most part. Not the greatest note to end the year on, but it's remedied as best as can be. 

That being said, I am done with school! I have stuff I'd like to work on over the summer, but nothing mandatory. I am going to be living the fancy free lifestyle for a while and I'm pretty excited about it. I'll have all the time I want or need to do the things that I love and spend time with people who rock. The awesomeness has officially begun. 

Fireflies

the fireflies tonight

are flying

rampant

through the trees

and spiraling higher

and higher

into a sky full of stars.

their biological flashlights

are flickering

on and off

in a rhythmic pattern

as they communicate their desires

to the wind

and one another. 

if that was the last thing

that i ever saw

i would be satisfied. 

Rainy Daze

The rain ceased today. For a minute. It's supposed to start all over again soon. Maybe even tomorrow. I was in desperate need of the sun today. All of the rainy/cloudy weather is really getting to people, including myself. People are depressed, they have heinous headaches that are lasting for days, it's just not a good scene. This is supposed to be summer. It's supposed to be awesome out. Maybe the awesomeness is just waiting for me to officially be out of school. If that's the case, it should be kicking in about noontime tomorrow. 

Life really should come with an instruction manual. There are so many things that you run across that are so difficult! Making the right choices, saying the right things, they are all just hard. They require a lot of thought and maturity and if you are psychic, it doesn't hurt! 

Human interactions and relationships are quite possibly the most difficult of all. How people get along at all completely baffles me. How can you get along with another person who for all intents and purposes is a complete enigma? There is no way you can really know another person and everything that makes them tick. You can make guesses about their motivation or their thoughts, but you can't know that stuff unless they directly share it with you. Unless they choose to allow you inside their innermost thoughts. Even if you feel like you really know someone you can't really know everything about them. You can make guesses and hypotheses according to your observations and prior experiences, but you just can't know. Isn't that a pain?

the rain has caused

a haze

to surround

my world. 

i can't see anything

clearly

and i don't see an end

in sight. 

D-Day of Sorts...

Today is Father's Day. Everyone has one, even if they don't want to admit it. I have one. He's in this picture with me. I admit it willingly and I have to say, I am a big fan of him. We've had our ups and downs as most fathers and daughters do, but on the whole, it's mostly ups. 

I am tired still. I have a feeling I'm going to continue to be tired until I've been on vacation for a week or two. It's hard to get sleep when there's so much stuff going on inside your head. Not to mention the fact that Lucy is up and down all night long! Five more days of school related stuff and then I'm free. I am pretty darned excited about that too. Free to spend time at home, spend time at the barn, spend time with friends... free. 

So speaking of sleeping issues, here's a poem I wrote about them the other morning:

Sleep

no longer comes easy

as my mind roils

in constant

turmoil.

I think I know what Chicken Little 

meant

when he claimed that the sky

was falling. 

Oh What A Night!

First off, I took this picture last night. Dexter, who is a bed hog all the time, decided that he needed to lay on my pillow. I figured if I laid on him, he would move... right? Wrong! As you can see, he was SOUND asleep and stayed right there until after midnight. I fell asleep like that as well and only woke up because he moved. I was awake when the picture was taken, but closed my eyes to protect against the ridiculously bright flash. 

So, I have to be honest, my evening this evening has been a real up and down kinda night. I went north to pick up a prescription and made it approximately four minutes before the pharmacy was going to close... score one for me. Next came dinner at a new restaurant and this is where things went really downhill. 

The decor is cute, but that's about where the goodness ends. I ordered a salad and said VERY specifically that I did not want any blue cheese... I am not a cheese eater and that stuff is just utterly disgusting. The salad came out, with avocados that honest-to-god must have been accidentally frozen and little bits of blue cheese all through it. I tried to pick it out because I absolutely hate to be a pain, but try as I might I couldn't. I ate a bite that had some in it and I gagged. Hard. I couldn't touch anymore of it. At least they didn't make me pay for it. On top of that awesomeness, I also managed to get a big yellow stain on my white shirt from the appetizer that accidentally came out with the meals. Gotta love those computer glitches. 

Following the restaurant mishaps, I thought that maybe ice cream would be a fitting substitute for a real meal. I've done that many a time in my day... tonight wasn't the night for that either! I ordered chocolate ice cream with peanut butter mixed in - a definite winner anytime - and got some gross ice cream that honestly tasted like meat. Like when you have something in the refrigerator or freezer has been sitting for too long with other stuff that smells really strong... it was just bad. Bad, bad, bad. 

There were several positives however that completely made up for the nastiness of the food business. First off, I got some awesome new shoes for walking/running with my doggies, along with a fun hat and another awesome T-shirt. Then, the biggest positive of all: at Border's, I ended up getting a $40 book of essays that a geeky English major-y type such as myself was immediately attracted to, for $24!! Here's to reading a bunch of fantastic literary awesomeness for nearly half price! 

I've been working for a long time to see the silver linings to all of the cloudy days and today, I think I've succeeded. Go me. 

The Last Friday

Today was the very last Friday of the school year... quite honestly, I'm pretty sad. I really like these damn kids and now I'm not going to have them anymore. I have to start all over again next year with a whole new bunch and although I know they'll be fine, they won't be the same. I'd say that it's safe to say I've gotten attached to these little buggers. 

I'm guess I'm just bumming for a bunch of reasons at this point. My grandfather is in the hospital and is pretty sick which always makes me crazy. He has been through so much in his life... he deserves better. 

There are so many things just hanging over my head, I feel like I need a helmet in order to be safe walking around. Maybe I should look into that. People would probably think I was prone to seizures, but maybe they'd give me some space... it might be worth it actually. I'll have to add it to my weekend shopping list. 

the weight

rests

directly over my heart. 

breathing restricted

panic takes over

tears flow free

and i'm drowning

If only...

I was just thinking, "if only I could capture the scent that's in the air tonight." I just had Lucy out for her before bed constitutional and was just soaking in the amazing-ness of the evening. It is rainy and funky out, but I have to say, I'm kind of loving it. I enjoy the sunshine and the warm weather, but there are times that the rain just suits my mood and I guess right now is one of those times. 

I feel like there are so many things wrapping up and coming to an end, and it makes me kind of sad. Tomorrow is my last "normal" day of school for this year and I am super bummed! I have had such an awesome year with the group of students I have and I'm not going to have them anymore after next Tuesday. That's really depressing! I know they'll be in the same building next year, but it won't be the same. I won't get to have them in class every day and watch them grow, change and learn. I won't know what's going on in their lives and I won't be their teacher anymore. 

I just got home from enjoying a delightful evening of "Sandwich Week" with Al, Jess and Paul. We had some amazing eggplanty goodness that Al concocted. I have been craving eggplant so I was super excited to get the invite. I am pretty proud to say that I am really backing off on the meat consumption. It has never been the light of my life, but I have always just eaten it because it was easier... that's just not the case for me anymore. 

While driving home, I had to do some serious slaloming because there were cute little froggies all over the road soaking in the raindrops. They are so awesome and I absolutely hate driving at night in the rain because sometimes the frogs are just unavoidable. I missed them all tonight, thank goodness. 

Well, it's WAY past my bedtime and I've got school tomorrow, so I've got to head off to dreamland. Let's see if I can get out a quick little poem before I pass out of the picture:

Rain falls in the evening -

saturates the air and soil.

The green of the leaves is 

magnified

in the million prisms

drizzling down

from the clouds. 

What's Blooming Today?

Good lord it was a gorgeous day! Not only was it a gorgeous day, but it was a gorgeous day that I got to spend on the beach in Scarborough, with a bunch of 7th graders and some awesome teachers I work with. The weather was spectacular, the kids were ridiculously well behaved and I did NOT get sunburned! At least I don't think I did anyways...

As we were driving there and driving back, I couldn't help but notice all of the amazing flowers that are blooming all over the place. We even passed a place that had a sign out for fresh picked strawberries! They looked awfully good all lined up in their little pint containers. I also saw some incredible rosa rugosa bushes that are completely covered in bright pink flowers and most likely surrounded by very happy bees. I think that there is very little in this world that smells better than a rosa rugosa. It is a fantastic, pure scent that just makes me smile. 

At my house, I also have some good stuff blooming. My jacob's ladder and columbine are winding down, but the irises are just starting up! There are some gorgeous purple ones and there are yellow ones that are just astounding. Some shades of yellow aren't that great, but this shade is something else. 

On that note, I am thinking I should write a poem about this flowery stuff. What do you think? 

The color of roses -

multi-hued,

golden,

velvet red.

A veritable 

rainbow

of scent and shade

surrounded

by the busy buzzing of a million bees

thrilled to have found

such a stash. 

Magnificent Megan

So, I am super lucky today, because my friend Megan is here hanging out. We did some shopping and she got a TON of great stuff... even a dress and some awesome shoes. Then we hung out at Border's for a while and had some fantastic dinner at the China Chef. Thanks to my friend Jess for introducing me to the scallion pancakes there. If you haven't had them, you must try them. 

Since I have company, that's all for tonight. I'll do better tomorrow. I promise!

Reunion Time

I just got home from the 2nd Annual Community School Alumni BBQ. Since all of the graduating classes are so small, we don't have class reunions, we just have school reunions. Last year we had a decent turn out - 15 or 16 people and this year wasn't too shabby for a yucky day - probably 10 or so, including one of the most recent alums who graduated yesterday. 

It rocked my world because I got to see my friend Claire who at this point in time I think can be considered my "oldest" friend. We've been close since I was a freshmen in high school and since I graduated nine years ago... yeah... it's quite a long time. She is absolutely amazing and wonderful and I love her to pieces. I don't get to see her very often, even though she just lives over in Portland. I think that may just have to change though. I can be a big brave girl and drive to the big city.

It's another rainy Sunday around here. It feels so good to just be at home. I haven't been just at home to sit on the couch and hang out with my puppies in WAY too long. I have a Dexter curled up on my right and Lucy is alternating between staring out the slider and walking all over my computer to get right in my face. She's so cute... so is Dexter. I have two pretty darn cute puppies. 

I haven't been writing all that much the past week or so because I've been too busy with wrapping stuff up at school. I need to get all of that stuff taken care of soon. My next big project is to clean out my desk... it might be scary. I tend to be a pack rat. I also have an addiction to office supplies. It is crazy to think that the school year is really almost over. I have had a wonderful first year at KMS and am going to miss my kiddos from this year so badly! They were a great group and I hope they come back to the 7th grade wing every now and then to visit. 

Okay - now, on to poetry. I'm going to write something new. Right now. Bear with me.

It's a blue day

today. 

Raindrops 

make patterns on windows

like teardrops

make patterns on cheeks. 

Fatigue 

has infiltrated 

every crevice of my being.

I am fading - 

fast,

and looking for a crayon

to fill the color

back in. 

Burning Candles

Phew! I am so glad that this week is almost over... I say that and really my week isn't over until Saturday when I am done working at my second job. I love working at BCG, but I'm getting pretty darn tired from burning the candle at both ends. I'll be super glad when Summer Vacation hits and I am free to do some relaxation. 

I had a fun day interviewing candidates for a Language Arts teaching position. I got to spend the day with three other teachers who I really enjoy. There was a lot of laughing and a lot of good conversation, which is ALWAYS a good thing. Some good candidates too! 

I took Little Lucy to her first softball game tonight too. She was scared about to death, but she adjusted after a while and even sniffed a few hands. It was big for her! I'll take her more often and she'll get used to it soon. She's such a cutie and she's turning into a really good little dog!

I am really feeling like things are looking up. Having good friends is really an amazing thing. Just knowing that there are people out there who care for you and who you care for has the ability to buoy you up when you need it. Thanks to all of my amazing friends out there. You guys are absolutely incredible! 

I don't have much poetry going in me tonight, so I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes:

"The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." -Khalil Gibran

Blogging in Earnest.

I have been slacking off pretty hard in the blogging department. The end of the school year is always crazy and it causes a lot of other things to be swept under the rug for the time being. I have also been burning my candle at both ends and it's really starting to catch up with me. Someone remind me next year to NOT agree to work Saturdays before school gets out. It's a little too much for me right now. I'm also super bummed because I have to work this Saturday and there are two big things happening that I wish I could attend, but I can't! My mom is the graduation speaker at The Community School and Carly is having a graduation party! Darn it all!! Anyways, enough complaining. 

I guess that honestly, I just don't have a whole lot to say right now. I've got a lot going on, but most of it is going on in my head... once I get all of it sorted out, I'll slap some of my "deep" thoughts up here, but for now, let's just head straight for the poetry. I wrote this one quite some time ago and I kind of like it. I hope you enjoy it too!

Scenting the Enemy

I hear a thousand winds moan

as I watch for the smell

of those gifted dreamers

who whisper winter days away.

Months later

the rain comes blue –

it’s drops chanting a new tune.

Some women are mean and weak

behind hard exteriors

carved from granite.

Their men run from them

and hide in beds

tucked under plaid flannel covers.

There they shine

snug as bugs in a rug. 

Chilly, willy, nilly!

I got super cold when I was at the barn this afternoon with the farrier! It is cold and damp and icky out. I have to say though, days like this make things easier at school. When it's not nice out, the kids don't want to be outside, so they have an easier time paying attention to what's going on. 

I'm trying to go easy on them for the end of the year anyways. They don't need a ton more stress, so we're studying fairy tales... compare and contrasting them, reading lots of them... it's a good time for sure. 

I had an awesome day yesterday!! After work I went to visit Jess and we spent so much quality time together! She even made me an AMAZING vegan pizza for dinner, the leftovers of which are in the oven right now re-heating so I can enjoy it AGAIN tonight. Speaking of which, I can smell it and I'm going to go eat it! 

Stay warm and toasty and I'll get some poetry up here tomorrow. :)

P.S.

So, I've decided to add on an addendum, which is in essence, completely redundant since addendum means something you've added on...

I just wanted to say that moms, sisters and best friends absolutely rock. It is amazing to know that when you are so mad you can't even see straight, there are people out there who can make you feel better pretty much instantly. 

Thanks guys!! You rock. 

Raising My Ire

I am so angry, that I don't even know what to say. It takes a lot to leave me speechless, but I am. 

Ahhhh, the weekend.

So, it's Saturday. I'm glad that it's not Friday anymore, because yesterday was not the most stupendous day ever. Long story that we won't go into here, but trust me, I'm glad it's done with! 

I just got home from a lovely day of working at Bearcamp Garden. The weather is gorgeous, the sun is shining and lots of people were out and about buying flowers. We've got some gorgeous stuff down there, so if you're in the market for annuals, perennials or some aggregate, come on down! Betsy and Peter rock, as do the rest of the people who work at BCG. 

I do believe that this evening I will be traveling to the great state of Maine for a graduation party for yet ANOTHER one of my former students who has finished up the great battle that we call high school. She was an on and off charter schooler, and always a very cool chick. She is a fantastic artist and takes some of the most gorgeous photographs I have ever seen. I know she has a website, though I'm not sure what it is. I'll have to ask her for it so I can post a link up here for all to see. 

Well, I'm going to get a poem up here and get the dogs out for a walk. I think it's cooled off a bit so they won't be totally roasting. I hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine!!

Childhood Was

black rubber boots

with red soles.

early morning barn chores.

fudgcicles for breakfast

on hot Saturday mornings

covered in sawdust.

riding every day until dark.

reading and writing

and living a whole other life

inside my head.