It's all Circular

"I cannot control the truth of death, whatever my desperation. I can only make certain that those moments of my life I have remaining are as rich as they can be." - R.A. Salvatore (from The Halfling's Gem)

Funny is not the right word, but it's funny sometimes how things coincide. The weather is changing from dreary and dark to sunny and warm, while simultaneously, the life of someone very dear to me is taking the opposite course. Granted, it's not a sudden thing, but the process has certainly sped up over the course of these last days.

One of the books I read with my students at school, Touching Spirit Bear by Ben Mikaelsen, talks a lot about the circle of life and how as some things bloom, others are fading. Depending on your state of mind, that idea can seem hokey, or it can ring very true. For me at this moment in time, I am hearing the bell.

Though I have dealt with plenty of death and destruction in my life, I have never been through the death of an immediate family member. I know that it is for the best and that when he is free from his broken body, he will be happy again, but that still doesn't erase my attachment to his earthly form. The day is fast approaching that I will have to tackle that thought and I am not looking forward to it.

My grandfather has been a huge part of my life, always. I remember spending days at his garage when I was small. The smell of gasoline and oil to this day bring me back. He took me for rides in his dump truck, or on the back of his motorcycle (just in the driveway of course!). He brought me Necco wafers, or Wintergreen Canada mints (known in our family as pink pills for pale people). Whenever I spent the night at my grandparents house, he would make me toast for breakfast with butter, peanut butter and cinnamon-sugar. My grandfather has meant the world to me, to the point that I named one of my horses after him. When I bred my mare for my Senior Project in high school, it was pre-determined that it would be called JT no matter what. JT for James Theodore. Sometime soon, there will be only one JT involved in my earthly existence. Now I just need to get ready for the reality to hit.