Special...

So, for you pet lovers out there - you know how when you look at Petfinder.com on those days you feel compelled to fall in love with an animal that you just have to save, they have those symbols that pop up next to the ridiculously adorable pictures to tell you about the animals. Whether they're good with kids, other dogs, cats, etc... Well, there's a special symbol for pets with special needs. That symbol used to be a little purple heart, but upon just checking it to make sure I had my facts straight, it appears that they've changed the color to a funky green heart.

I won't ramble on too long before getting to my point here, so what I'm getting at is that if I were a pet listed on Petfinder, I would have that little green heart next to my picture. I admit it, I have special needs when it comes to life. I don't think I'm needy per se, but there are times that I am in need.

I couldn't tell you why exactly... maybe it's the fact that I'm a Leo or maybe it's because I was an only child for such a long time, but I require a lot of attention. I like being involved in conversations with people and interacting with people and getting the attention of people in various ways. I never used to be like that. I was a shy, shy little girl who tried to avoid the spotlight like the plague for years, but now... now I like the attention.

I have had self esteem issues for my entire life and I think that the attention makes me feel better about myself. I feel like I can't be that bad looking/that fat/that heinous if people are talking to me and laughing with me and joking with me. I suppose all told, that it's not a bad thing to like attention... the bad part about it is how I feel sometimes when I don't get it.

If I'm not getting that attention, I feel like there must be something wrong with me. I must have gained weight. I must be ugly. I must just be stupid.

Now, the logical Casey inside my head knows that none of that really makes any sense. Unfortunately the emotional Casey has a tendency to overrule that logical voice... the one who has the glasses and is drawing all of those flow charts.

Emotional Casey immediately goes to the place where the world is out to get her and everyone hates her. She heads toward the desert called "MakingMyselfMiserable" better known as MMM.

I'm just hoping that someday that logical chick I have living inside my brain will take over and tell emotional Casey to stuff a sock in it and chill out. That will be the day!