100

My 100th blog post... I thought I would do something spectacular and special, but it looks like I'll just spout off a minute about clarity.

Clarity is something that is often in short supply in this world and people who are in the greatest need of clarity are the ones who look in all the wrong places to find it.

Clarity cannot be found in the bottom of a bottle.

Clarity cannot be found in a lie.

Clarity cannot be found in a world you live in inside your head or in reverting back to immaturity.

Clarity is a state of being you reach when you can step back and see things clearly.

It's a time where you can look around your life and see what's bothering you and then make changes to fix it.

I am very lucky. I have reached a point of clarity in my life. I reached it almost a year ago now. A fog cleared from in front of my eyes and I stopped lying to myself. I started being honest and making changes to get me where I wanted to be.

There are some very special people who helped me reach this point of clarity and to them (you know who you are) I send my most sincere thanks.

Speaking of years and anniversaries... 11 years ago tomorrow, my Senior Project came to life... literally. My pony pony JT will be eleven years old tomorrow... Not only is that a great thing to celebrate, it also means that the same number of years ago, one day coming right up, will be the anniversary of when another very special person came into my life.

Things may not have happened right then and there, but eleven years ago a very large, important and amazing ball got rolling and it ended up knocking down all of the pins. STRIKE!

Lupines and loveliness...

This whole, coming home to bouquets in the bedroom thing is utterly fantastic. Upon returning from the barn last night (and wishing my pretty Revy mare a happy 17th birthday!!), I found a vase of gorgeous purple and white lupines waiting for me. It was another hot day, but boy was it a good one.

After the barn and coming home to flowers, a no-cooking dinner of Subway ensued. It's not gourmet, but it was satisfying and took little to no effort at all, which is always good on a hot, sticky day.

When the sun started heading down in the sky, Cyle headed for the garden to transplant some baby lettuces. We're going to have a TON of buttercrunch leaf lettuce and it is going to be AWESOME. The greens in the garden are growing like mad, as are the onions... and the green beans were loving up the heat. Summertime and fresh veggies here we come!

While he was in the land of the veggies, I was back in the shrubbery. My pruners and I got a good work out between the forsythia, a random apple tree and the beech trees that are encroaching on the lawn. I even whipped out a hand saw and then Cyle brought out the chainsaw when I got to the big stuff I couldn't take down. The yard is starting to really shape up... not to mention the fact that one of these days we're going to have a HUGE bonfire with all of the brush... s'mores, here we come!

After the sweaty yard work, more swimming was on the docket, and we made it home just before the weak rumblings of thunder started. There was a decent light show, but only a few sprinkles of rain to show for it... hopefully we'll get some rain soon.

At any rate, Summertime is fast approaching and life is good. :)

Holy Hotness...

For the first time ever in my life, I went swimming in the month of May. I was so hot and so disgruntled when I got out of school yesterday, I braved the frigid swimming hole near my house and took a dip.

I have never been a huge water fan... I attribute it to the fact that I'm a fire sign, but yesterday, it was awesome. The water was darn cold and it totally took my breath away and changed my perspective on life.

It was a hot day at school and I got a phone call that I was none too thrilled about... the job I had interviewed for and was SUPER excited about... well it didn't work out. I had tried so hard not to get my hopes up and unfortunately I did. It just happens sometimes that you pin all of your hopes on one thing and you just know that if that one thing comes through, then things will change.

Spending some time in the cold water helped me think about things differently however and I know now that it just wasn't meant to be at this moment. I am not done where I am. I have not helped everyone I need to help, or influenced everyone I need to influence.

After that swim, my evening progressed in a very positive manner. Cyle and I attended the Eagle Academy graduation and I was SO proud to see two of my students from this semester graduate. They are awesome kiddos who have fought their way through so many hardships to get over the hump and succeed. I can't wait until the next graduation in December where more of them will get that final piece of paper that allows them to open so many doors.

Graduating from high school is a big accomplishment. Being a teenager is not an easy thing and when you don't have a support system in place that can help you toward that goal, it gets even harder. It's really amazing how some kids just need someone to tell them no, and they beg for it, even though they pretend to be mad when you do it.

I don't necessarily want to have my own kids, but I often wish I could take other people's kids and give them what they need to succeed... maybe someday, I will be able to do that regularly. We'll see what life brings my way.

Happy Birthday...

Today would have been my grandfather's 78th birthday and it seems very foreign to me that he is not here to celebrate it. In honor of this day, I want to just list some of my favorite memories of him.

I remember Necco wafers,

the chocolate were your favorite.

Sprite and Crunch bars.

Toast with butter, peanut butter and cinnamon sugar.

Peony flowers, mayflowers, and vegetable gardens -

when the oak leaves are as big as a mouse's ear, plant your peas.

When test driving cars, always really test them out and see what they can do.

Bruises and scabs

always bleeding because of your medicine.

Pink pills for pale people

whenever I was sick.

I remember the greatest hugs,

holding your big, soft, cool hand.

Lava soap and the smell of gasoline

when you had Elliott Brothers Garage.

I remember your smile

and how much you loved your family.

You were proud of me

always.

I miss you.

Great nights, busy weekends and mountain climbing...

Well, a wonderful weekend started out with a fantastic Friday night. Cyle and I attended a delicious BBQ at Jess and Al's house with lots of wonderful people in attendance. It was superb to get to spend time with Jess, Al, Paul (who's finally home from out west... just for a minute), Elsah, Jim and Leah. We ate tons of great food, including the most amazing strawberry shortcake I've ever eaten. Al's baking skills never cease to amaze me and make my taste-buds ache for more. The biscuits he made were tender, soft, sweet... everything you want in a biscuit and more.

Saturday was a busy day at Bearcamp Garden with lots of people coming in to find some fabulous flowers for their front yards... and probably back yards too... and just shortly after I got home, my Megan came up!! We had a belated birthday bash with spaghetti pie, kale salad and ice cream cake. It's not a party until you break out the ice cream cake...

After dinner we went to visit the ponies and then went for a drive around Tamworth and Sandwich checking out the sunset and finding scores of lovely Lady Slippers on the sides of the many multiples of back dirt roads we took.

On Sunday, Cyle unfortunately had to work, and Megan and I decided to go to the mountains. It was time to conquer Mt. Chocorua and so conquer we did. It was a touch on the hazy side, but the pictures came out decent anyways. It was a gorgeous day. A lot of fun. Here's to a good, busy, weekend!

The summit from the trail.

The Jim Liberty Cabin.

Looking back toward the Ossipee's (I think!).

Looking up toward the Presidential's (I think!).

Chocorua Lake from the summit.

Finally, Mt. Washington. Not too much snow left up there!

Special...

So, for you pet lovers out there - you know how when you look at Petfinder.com on those days you feel compelled to fall in love with an animal that you just have to save, they have those symbols that pop up next to the ridiculously adorable pictures to tell you about the animals. Whether they're good with kids, other dogs, cats, etc... Well, there's a special symbol for pets with special needs. That symbol used to be a little purple heart, but upon just checking it to make sure I had my facts straight, it appears that they've changed the color to a funky green heart.

I won't ramble on too long before getting to my point here, so what I'm getting at is that if I were a pet listed on Petfinder, I would have that little green heart next to my picture. I admit it, I have special needs when it comes to life. I don't think I'm needy per se, but there are times that I am in need.

I couldn't tell you why exactly... maybe it's the fact that I'm a Leo or maybe it's because I was an only child for such a long time, but I require a lot of attention. I like being involved in conversations with people and interacting with people and getting the attention of people in various ways. I never used to be like that. I was a shy, shy little girl who tried to avoid the spotlight like the plague for years, but now... now I like the attention.

I have had self esteem issues for my entire life and I think that the attention makes me feel better about myself. I feel like I can't be that bad looking/that fat/that heinous if people are talking to me and laughing with me and joking with me. I suppose all told, that it's not a bad thing to like attention... the bad part about it is how I feel sometimes when I don't get it.

If I'm not getting that attention, I feel like there must be something wrong with me. I must have gained weight. I must be ugly. I must just be stupid.

Now, the logical Casey inside my head knows that none of that really makes any sense. Unfortunately the emotional Casey has a tendency to overrule that logical voice... the one who has the glasses and is drawing all of those flow charts.

Emotional Casey immediately goes to the place where the world is out to get her and everyone hates her. She heads toward the desert called "MakingMyselfMiserable" better known as MMM.

I'm just hoping that someday that logical chick I have living inside my brain will take over and tell emotional Casey to stuff a sock in it and chill out. That will be the day!

Good Morning.

Good morning! I'm not just using that as the every day greeting... I'm saying I'm having a good morning. In fact, I think that the perfect storm for a good morning occurred this morning. It has gone a little something like this...

I hit the snooze button a couple of times this morning so I got a little extra snuggle time. That is always a good thing.

I packed a quick and easy lunch of leftovers. Yet again. Awesome.

Driving to work, I was listening to WCYY and in the morning now they play blocks of 5 or 6 songs without interruption. Not only did they play that many songs, they were all good songs. Old songs that brought back memories of high school days like Cracker, Pearl Jam and The Bloodhound Gang. When my mom used to drive me to the bus stop, we would hear "The Roof is on Fire" by The Bloodhound Gang and she would sing the chorus. Being 14 or 15 and hearing your mom go to town singing, "The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire. We don't need no water, let the mother f-er burn. Burn mother f-er. Burn." is one of the best things ever. I suppose that's one of the reasons my mom is the coolest. That and she took me to get my first and second tattoo and she paid for them. I don't think it gets much better than that.

After that, I got a big latte with an extra shot of awesomeness... and THEN, my first class of students today chose to continue their RED time through class. A room full of fifteen 12 and 13 year olds chose to continue reading silently for an extra 40 minutes. How much better could that be? Not much, I don't think.

Lilacs, pruning and squeaker wars...

Lilacs. I seem to be completely obsessed with them right now. I suppose that could be because every time I take a deep breath, I am swimming in them. I love it. They are amazing.

My mom has some very well established lilac bushes at her house and they are quite large. I think generally they top out between ten and fifteen feet and these ones are getting close. They hadn't had any horticultural attention in quite a while and so last night Cyle and I went house on them. Out came the pruners, a ladder and even a saw. Those suckers (literally, suckers from the plant that grow up out of the ground and take energy away from the main plant...) never knew what hit them.

It was buggy, scratchy, itchy, dirty and awesome. I was covered with lilac twigs, the dried remains of last year's spent flowers and lots of black fly bites, but it was all completely worth it. I don't know why, but there is something I love about pruning. It is artistic and cathartic all at once and when you're pruning lilacs, you have the added bonus of it being favorably scented. Not bad... not bad.

Meanwhile, we're having major squeaker wars in the front yard. Squeakers are more commonly known as chipmunks, but my fantastic friend Jess refers to them as squeakers and it just stuck in my head. We have several factions in the front yard, each claiming their own territory and that doesn't even touch the renegade band who rule the back yard and harass the dogs just outside the fence 24-7.

Sitting outside on the deck you are right in the throes of the battle. They are constantly running back and forth yelling at each other and they have gotten mighty brave. One had the cojones to stand up and start speaking harshly to me the other day when I was just trying to enjoy the evening. I gave it right back to him (or her) and he (or she) retreated to the safety of their fortress under said deck.

It's a wild, wild world out there. Bull moose walking through the yard, a huge black bear lurking in the shadows at my grandmother's house and the never ending epic squeaker battle. Come on down and enjoy the show.

Smells like heaven...

That's where I thought I was last night. I got home from teaching at the Eagle Academy and Cyle had picked a HUGE bouquet of lilacs and put them in a vase right next to the bed. I drifted off to sleep on a sweet smelling lilac cloud and boy did it make my dreams sweet.

Who's a lucky girl?

I'm a lucky girl.

Gearing up...

It's going to be a busy, hectic, fun-filled weekend. It will be my first weekend of the year working at the fantastic Bearcamp Garden and I'm working both days since it is Mother's Day on Sunday... don't forget about your moms! Feel free to come on in and grab her a gorgeous perennial of some sort so she can plant it and remember you every day instead of those cut flowers that only last a week and then start to stink.

The weather really has me going. It is absolutely gorgeous. Spring and Fall are my two favorite times of the year and we are in the throes of the springtime rush. I am happy, excited, twitterpated and ready to get out and get my hands deep into the earth.

Things are sprouting, things are growing and everything is so GREEN! I love it.

Spring time and the livin's getting easier...

Has anyone else noticed the fact that it has been GORGEOUS outside lately? Yes, the bugs have been a little on the obnoxious side, but the weather is warm and sunny, the leaves are all popped out and the lilacs are starting to bloom.

I love walking out the door to the sweet smell of lilacs in the air. It's especially strong when the dew is setting and I just can't stay away. I have been battling the bugs each night just to walk outside and take deep breaths so I can savor that amazing fragrance.

There are somewhere around 30 days of school left and I am ready to be out for the year. It's going to be a busy summer, but there will be plenty of time for fun to be had. I hope to be spending quite a bit of time working, but some of that work will be outside so that will be awesome.

Here's looking forward to good friends, good sun, good food, good fun and so much more!