The Human Connection

What a weekend. I spent yesterday working at a to-be-unnamed farm in the southern part of this lovely state. It is an interesting place, owned by a person who I am not a huge fan of. He treats people like property and I am definitely not okay with that. I had never officially met him before yesterday, but I'd heard a lot about him from two people who work there a lot more than I do. He really is a first class A-Hole. Bad enough to merit capitalization. 

When I first met him he didn't really speak to me... it turns out that's because he thought I was 17 or so. When he found out that I had mad experience in the gardening department and was almost 27 however, he couldn't talk to me enough. It was the kind of sickly sweet talk that makes the bile rise in the back of your throat. It was definitely a challenge for me to not tell him off before I left there yesterday, even though he offered me a full-time summer job there if I only lived closer... There would certainly be benefits, but he is one gigantic negative. 

He is one of those people who will never have a genuine connection with other people. A very dear friend of mine who has to deal with him on a daily basis has made the observation and prediction that his punishment for treating people the way he does is that he will die alone and no one will mourn him. I completely agree and see no reason anyone would be sad to see him go. 

On the topic of connections however, it is really amazing to me how certain people just have those connections. There are synapses that fire between two brains and forge a bond that lasts for years and years over insane distances with very little actual communication. One of those situations where all you have to do is think about the other person and it keeps the relationship alive. Not everyone is lucky enough to have that privilege and it certainly is a privilege. For the longest time, I thought it was just me and my imagination, but it turns out that is just not the way. Maybe my psychic powers are as strong as the Band teacher at school told me they are. Pretty neat, huh? 

3,652 days

give or take 

for leap year accuracy.

I have stewed

and thought

and wondered - 

doubting myself all along the way

only to discover

I should have pushed away

the doubt

and gone with 

my gut. 

Quickie

Just a quickie tonight. I've worked all day, been very patient when I really didn't want to be (adult related, not kiddo), taken myself out to dinner surrounded by drunk old people, and grocery shopped. I've put away the groceries, packed for the weekend and figured out my schedule. I'm off and running and I'll be back on Sunday.  

A very happy birthday to my peanut JT in the picture above. Ten years ago tonight I was able to watch him come into this world and it was truly a miracle. 

Have fun all!!

The Definition of, "Sick as a Dog."

My baby Dexter dog was up sick A LOT last night. Something got his tummy rumbling and he still isn't feeling 110%. He gets so sad when he's sick. It's pretty much awful. It's like he feels guilty for waking me up to take him out, but he doesn't have much choice. Honestly I'd rather he wake me up than just go for it on the bedroom floor. It does leave me a little on the sleepy side however. 

It was a pretty good day at school today. The kids were in good form... since it's Middle School there's always a ton of drama, but I'm used to it at this point. I really love my job. It gives me a chance to have real, meaningful interactions with kids and that is ridiculously rewarding. There are a lot of good kids who need someone to listen and I am more than willing. It's funny too, because they seem to know that and I hear from them a lot. I am more than happy to listen. I seem to be pretty good at it. 

I had a chance to see my friend Jess this afternoon, which pretty much rocked my socks. I adore her and am looking forward to when things calm down a little for her so we can hang out for real. I also got to have some sweet chai tea this afternoon with my other friend Krystle. We had a nice time and commiserated about how the time flew by while we were together. Before I knew it, I looked at my watch and it was 5:50 and she had to be home by 6:00. It's wild what happens when you're having good conversation!

I also wrote multiple new poems today! I think between this blog and other events my creative juices are officially flowing. I'm liking it. A lot. I might even post more than one here today... and that being said, let's get down to it!

1

Rain falls

continuously.

It washes the world

clean 

of the pollen

that's been gagging up

the air

and my throat

for days. 

Some people

don't like the rain - 

I say, 

bring

it 

on. 

2

Enthralled

by ink.

On paper,

in skin.

Spilled across a page 

like blood

splattered from a wound

too shallow to penetrate

through these imaginary bonds

we've created.

I write to discover - 

who I am,

how I feel. 

If only I could write

all

day

long. 

3

I wish I were better

at waiting.

Better at breathing

deep

and waiting for the

inevitable.

Lately I feel the need

to rush out

take everything on

at once. 

I must be making up

for lost time. 

Rainy Day Woman

I really love rainy days. There are so many different kinds of rainy days... warm rainy days when you can go outside and walk in the rain and play in puddles, spring rainy days when you can watch the rain melting the snow away, summer rainy days that cut through the heat and make it bearable, and rainy days like today, where you just want to snuggle up on the couch with some warm puppies and read a good book. 

I spent the majority of the day freezing my derriere off  in my classroom. I did not wear enough layers for this kind of rain. The kids were good though and one of my classes shared picture books that they wrote. They did an awesome job with them for the most part! One even almost made me cry. When a little fishy dies in an oil spill, it just really gets to me I guess. The kids made fun of me, but it's all good. I'm sensitive, what can I say?

Today is my little Lucy's birthday. She is one!! And super cute. She slept almost all night last night as well, which makes me so happy. She snuggled up against my hip and was out like a light. She's a little snuggle bunny and I love it. 

Well, I'm off to have an after-school snack and relax for a while. How about a little poem to finish up the post? 

As Of Yet Untitled

Inextricably connected

over years that have passed

with barely a glance.

Time and time again

brought together - 

inexplicably - 

but it always feels just right.

I have a notion

that you

were meant to be my always. 

Don't Lick Sharp Knives.

It is always nice to go back to school on a Tuesday instead of a Monday. It's really no different, but you can make it feel different because there are only three more days after Tuesday as opposed to Monday when you still have four to contend with. I am sure it is completely in my head, but it feels better and right now, that's all that matters to me!

Today is a very special day to me. As I believe I have mentioned multiple times, my animals are my babies and my life and today is one of my horse's birthdays. Ms. Revlon Red is 16 years old today! I have to say, as I always do when I introduce her to people, I did NOT name her. I do have to say though, her name suits her to a T. She is prissy and princessy and is in charge whether you like it or not. I spoiled her rotten when she was a baby and so I claim complete responsibility for her actions. I love her to the moon and back though. She is certainly like my other half and she knows as soon as she sees me what kind of mood I'm in. She isn't the type though to coddle me if I am in a bad mood. Instead, she gets pissy with me right back until I snap out of it. She's good like that. It is hard to believe that she is 16 and that I've had her for 14 years. That, my friend, is a long term relationship. 

I am pretty psyched about all of the music that my lovely cousin Julie shared with me last night. She came over and we set up a little network between our Macs and went to town. I took 514 songs from her computer... and they all rock my socks. I stole all of the Reel Big Fish she had in preparation for their concert in July. I absolutely cannot wait for that. I love music so much. The lyrics get me every time. It is poetry set to music and I can't get enough. It was rather scary in fact because as I was looking at all of the titles, I could sing parts of tons of the songs. I wonder what else I could be using that space in my brain to store? 

I'm feeling very thankful right now for my friends. It has been a long time since I've had such a strong support system behind me of people who aren't related to me by blood. It is an amazing feeling to develop a bond with someone who you have so much in common with and you know you can count on. I have a feeling you know who you are. We have that give and take thing down and I certainly try to come at you with my best, but I know if I'm at my worst, you'll be there for me too. I'll be loving you.

Well, it's time for me to go play with ponies, so here's the daily dose of Casey poetry. I'm throwing it off the top of my head, so bear with me. 

You

The phone rings,

and when it's 

you

I can answer

without anxiety. 

We can talk about

anything

and 

everything

and 

you even understand

my pet-centered 

semi-crazy

life. 

I 

am so lucky

to have 

you

as a part of my life. 

A Long Weekend

The saying "long weekend" can be taken in a few different ways... it could mean that you have an extra day off from work to enjoy your freedom, or it could mean that the weekend passed like molasses running up a hill in January. My weekend doesn't fit either description. It went by really fast, but I only had one day off. I love working at Bearcamp Garden, but it does make things a little crazy on the homefront. So much to do, so much laundry, so much dog walking and only so little time. 

It was a good weekend and I'm sad to see it go. I'm not quite ready to go back to school tomorrow. There are many more things I would like to get accomplished in my own life, but those will have to wait for next weekend. 

I am off now to feed my puppies and take them out, and then go celebrate my grandfather's birthday. It's a birthday filled week this week. Today is my grandfather's, tomorrow is Revlon's, Wednesday is Lucy's, Thursday is my sister-in-law's and Friday is JT's who I might add was named after my grandfather - James Theodore. 

Remember to cover up and close your windows tonight. There's a good chance of frost! Yuck!

An owl calls

in the distance. 

She echoes the question

lodged in my heart.

"Who? Who?"

"Who? Who?"

Though I know

not to get too far ahead

of myself

I can't stop

my thoughts.

They are farther ranging

than migratory butterflies,

and I worry

that like the monarchs,

they'll reach their destination

only to die

in paradise

and never return

from whence they came. 

Sunday, sunday...

Well first off, I'd like to say that I'm super psyched that Jess and Al have their living situation all figured out. They are two of my favorite people and I've been stressed that they've been stressed about finding a place to live with their two adorable puppy dogs. Two adorable dogs and two adorable people... how could you not want them to live in your house??

Today has been a gorgeous and productive day. It was showery this morning and I had a lovely breakfast and shopping excursion with my sister-in-law Kate. It was super fun and I got some springy T-shirts and the like, so now I am all set for the warmer weather that has finally arrived. I got home and took Dexter and Lucy for a fantastic walk, all the way to the top of the hill (they're both napping now!), and I've dug through boxes to find my summer clothes and summer shoes. Now I'm down to finishing up with laundry and my chores are finished for the weekend! Good thing too, because it's Sunday and I have to work tomorrow!

It has been a pretty boring, domesticated day. Not too much exciting to report. So here's a poem to finish us off for the day:

The scent of lilac

wafts in

through the window.

Sitting in the middle

of a snuggling sandwich

on my couch,

I can't think of a better way

to spend a Sunday. 

Alive and kicking

Alive and kicking is my favorite response when someone asks how I am. It is always the truth and it doesn't get down into the dirty details of how I'm actually feeling. Honestly, do you think that people want to know how you are when they ask? Maybe people who actually know you do, but random strangers you meet in the grocery store or at your job don't really want to hear about your trials and tribulations. It is just a happy-go-lucky meaningless exchange of pleasantries. 

I worked today at BCG and it was pretty darn busy. Everyone is super excited because Memorial Day Weekend is when we can officially say that planting stuff outside is safe, so they go nuts. I really love working there because not only are Betsy and Peter awesome, I love helping people find the right plants for them. It is a really interesting creative outlet and I really wish sometimes that I could really landscape in the summertime. One thing at a time though... I don't need to be starting a landscaping business while in the midst of other pursuits. 

I'm off now to my amazing cousin Julie's graduation party. I can't even believe that she is already done with college. I am crazy proud of her. She is really something!

Since we're celebrating her graduation, here's a poem about my college graduation. What a day that was... 40 degrees and pouring rain and we still had graduation outside! It's a miracle that the UNH Class of 2004 didn't all die of pneumonia. 

One hand 

full of years ago

on a cold 

and rainy day,

four years of hard work

came to an end

in the middle of a spring cold snap.

I accomplished something

no one in my family had ever done. 

Two way street...

    "And let your best be for your friend. 

    If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him 

know its flood also.

    For what is your friend that you should seek

him with hours to kill?

    Seek him always with hours to live." - The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran

The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran is one of my favorite books of all time, given to me by one of my favorite people of all time. It is full of wonderful advice about life, some of which I love and abide by enough to have it permanently inked into my skin (thank you Jess! As always, you rock!!). It is a beautifully written little book and every time I am feeling a little on the empty side spiritually speaking, I crack it open for a refill. It works every time. 

Moving onwards... relationships are hard. Friendships, love affairs, marriages, whatever it may be... they take work and compromise and understanding from both sides. It's always hard when it becomes a one way path instead of a two way street. That's when things start to go downhill and fall to pieces - when one person becomes the giver and the other one the taker. This happens too many times. 

It was a long week at school this week. The kids are ready for summer and so am I. Teaching in a classroom where it's a constant 82 degrees or higher is getting a little old. By the end of the day the students and I both stumble around like zombies and don't really absorb much of anything. They are still trying though, so I am going to keep trying as well. June 23rd, here we come! 

I hope everyone enjoys the long weekend! If you are looking for me, I'll be working at Bearcamp Garden both Saturday and Monday. Come buy plants! We've got some awesome stuff and it's finally time to plant it! Sunshine and gardens? Bring them on!

And now, for my poem of the day...

Surviving Sadness

Evening falls hard today

aggravating injuries I once thought to be healed

and gone.

My heart resembles the bruised hue of the sky.

What if's war

as tears threaten

to wash away the dam

I have worked so long to build.

I love...

I love a lot of things. I have a fantastic family and amazing friends that I love constantly. I love nature and reading and learning and animals... and right now, I am focused on how much I love music. I love everything about it. I love the bands and the songs and the instruments and especially the words. Lyrics to songs have a tendency to be amazing poetry. They are so full of meaning just ripe for the picking...

Words are so powerful in so many ways. I had a very interesting discussion with a student today about words. This particular student is very insightful and already, at the ripe old age of 13, understands that if you don't want anyone to know about something, you never, ever, ever, write it down. Words that are written are bound to be read and if it's something you want to keep secret, you are much better off keeping it inside your mind. This is an important lesson to be had and I have to say, the younger you get it, the less heartache it brings you. 

This all connects to the fact that I just got home from watching Angels & Demons. I read the book a couple of years ago and loved it SO much. The Da Vinci Code was another great book, but the movie was a pretty big disappointment in my eyes. I was nervous about this one, but I had to go and I have to say, it wasn't that bad. There were a few things that I noticed right off the bat, but looking at it from just a theatrical perspective, it was a pretty darn good movie. The connection here though, is to codes... when people want to say things and write things down that they don't want anyone and everyone to know and understand, they use codes and symbols. Angels & Demons is full of ancient codes and symbols and a fantastic discussion of the connections between science and religion that we just don't have space to get into here. The thing to know is, that when you read between the lines, you can see that there are codes everywhere around you. People are constantly struggling to make meaning out of things in their lives and sometimes they are more successful at it than others. Whether you're looking at things around you, religion, science, movies, books, music, or universal signs and signals, life is about making meaning. My question is, how much of that meaning comes from out there in the wide, wide world, and how much of it comes from inside you? 

Here are a couple of Haikus that have been bouncing around inside my skull. Read the lines, read between the lines and have fun making your own meaning. 

I want to kiss you

on the top of a mountain

under the moonlight.

Only in Springtime

does my cup runneth over

outside of it's banks. 

When light turns to dark

and the sun refuses to rise

where will I be found?

Bats in the Belfry... or the hallway?

Jenna "Bat Hunter" Robinson

For anyone who knows me at all, they know that I would not, under normal circumstances be awake at 11:00 on a Wednesday night. I am an early to bed, early to rise kinda girl, especially on school nights. There would have to be some kind of crazy happenings to keep me up this late, or get me up after I was all snuggled up with Dexter and Lucy as is the case tonight. 

Approximately ten minutes ago, Lucy got up. She often gets up in the middle of the night, thinking that she needs to go outside. Generally I attempt to chase her back to bed and she relents, climbs back under the covers and passes back out for a few more hours... not so much this time my friends. Not so much. 

Instead of going back to bed, Lucy bolted through the baby gate that was across the bedroom door and into the hallway. I got up to follow thinking that perhaps there was going to be a massive diarrhea explosion and I never thought I would be disappointed to find that it was something else entirely. There was a mother f*c*i*g bat in the hallway. 

Don't get me wrong, I love little bats. I love little bats when they are outside catching bugs and doing cute little bat things. I do NOT love little bats who somehow sneak into my house without any windows being open. Bats like that freak me out. Bats like that I consider to be stalkers and uninvited guests. My cats consider bats like that fair game, in the truest sense of the word and apparently Lucy felt the same. 

I woke up Edward, he pulled himself together and the contest began... us against the bat. As we were plotting about how best to remove the bat without harming the bat (I told you I was a big fan of the bats. They're cute, when they're outside my house!!), the bat decided that maybe he was destined for basement greatness, so he flew off down the basement stairs. Jenna-kitty was hot on his trail and God bless her, she stayed that way. She is the German Short Haired Pointer of the feline world and she kept her eye on him wherever he went, which in turn allowed us to keep an eye on him while we came up with a winning plan. 

One bath towel and a brave Edward later, the bat was captured unharmed, while I uncharacteristically flapped my hands in the air screeching softly. Both the bat and our bath towel are now hanging out in the driveway and as far as I'm concerned, they can both stay there until further notice. Let this be a warning to all of the bats who hang out in my vicinity - stay outside little flying rodentia, it is not safe for you in a house with four cats and a Lucy. 

Even more astounding news: all of this commotion actually got Dexter out of bed. It didn't get him far, and it didn't keep him up for long, but he was conscious and out of bed after 9:00 at night. Now let's see if we can go back to bed now that the trouble has passed...

P.S. - Thank you Jess for teaching me the ways of blogging so now there are no underlines!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

That's Hot

Since I posted a picture of Lucy yesterday, I thought that it was only fair to plaster Dexter up here today. He is a very handsome young man and very photogenic, as you can see. He's got the greatest ears. They are floppy and very expressive. You can always tell what kind of mood he's in depending on what position his ears hang out in. 

It's toasty out there this afternoon. I just got back from walking Dexter, Lucy and my mom's dog Bella. We walked fast to dodge the mosquitos and worked up a sweat in the meantime. It was awesome out walking as well because all of the lilacs lining the roads are in full bloom and smell absolutely ridiculous. In a good way of course. 

Before I get to the poem of the day, I would like to wish my friend Megan a very happy birthday. Sweet 17!! It was one of my personal favorite years for a multitude of reasons. I hope that her 17 treats her as well as mine treated me. 

On that note, and because of the humidity in the air:

August Hay

Hay chaff floats

in August air

thick as corn chowder.

No one has killed a spider in weeks

for fear of bringing on the rain.

Swallows are flying low

and the clouds are skipping our way.

Fifty more bales

lay like innocent sheep spun from sugar

in concentric circles around the field.

A glance is exchanged

the tractor shifted up a gear

and in silence we jog beside the old

wooden trailer

hurling bales

into a haphazard mound

trying to beat the torrent. 

Terrific Tuesday?

This is Lucy. She is my youngest and my snuggliest. I never in a million years could have imagined that I would find a dog snugglier than her big brother Dexter. He is a 72 pound brick of pitbull-mix love. He is in my lap more often than he is standing on his own four feet and now so is Lucy. She fits a little easier though at only 20 pounds. She is currently trying to help me type, but she doesn't have the whole QWERTY thing figured out. 

As I mentioned somewhere, I love my animals. They are my babies for sure and there are plenty of them. Two dogs, four cats and my two ponies. Honestly most times I would choose an animal over a person, hands down. They are better listeners than most for sure, and they never give unwanted advice. One of my horses is quick to share her opinion on things though. If she doesn't like a person's attitude, she lets you know in no uncertain terms. She is famous for winding up with her derriere and body slamming the wall of her stall when she doesn't get her way. I spoiled her a little too much when she was a baby. Oh well... it's too late now since she will be 16 next week!

Well, I suppose since part of the reason I wanted to start this blogging thing was to post some writing and some photos, I ought to get around to that. I wrote a new poem today and I'm posting another photo to go with it. I just had to get Lucy's cuteness on here. She is so cute, it almost should be illegal. 

(Imagine the lilac photo here. I wanted it here, but it doesn't seem to want to be here, so it's all the way at the top.)

The scent of lilac

rests

heavy on the air.

The sweet thickness

assaults

my senses as I step out

the door. 

Sounds of domesticity

abound

and all I can do

is remember the lilacs. 

First Attempt at Blogging

So, I have been inspired by my amazing friend Jess, to start a blog of my own.  You'll have to forgive this first post, or maybe the first couple, because I'm just figuring this stuff out. Like right now, I'm not sure why everything is showing up underlined... maybe it won't publish that way. I guess we'll find out soon enough. 

I am a big fan of nature, and animals. These little baby oak leaves can be found in my backyard. I love the color changes they go through. They also have an awesome shape to them. In general, I am a fan of oak leaves and all they stand for. They make me think of strength and wisdom and just general awesomeness, hence the reason I have four of them (so far... more to come) tattooed on my back. All four of them placed there by the amazing friend Jess I mentioned earlier. 

I am hoping to post a new photograph or piece of poetry on here every day. I am thinking that it will inspire me and keep my creative juices flowing. We'll see how it goes, but I remain cautiously optimistic. Since this is the first post, I'm going big and posting a picture and a poem... here goes nothing:

A History In Ink

Leaves tell my story.

A haphazard map - 

the spiral up

and around

all 26 of my years.

The first tells of a new beginning - 

the addition 

of formidable new color

to my life. 

Two more are

the final chapter

and a new capital letter - 

finishing one novel

only to start anew.

The last

in my current quartet

is a step forward - 

a leap of faith,

a whispered prayer for strength.

Who knows

what the coming years

will bring?